Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
