dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
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