Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
