is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
