the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
