In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
