I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
