Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
