Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
