i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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