My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
