yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
