I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
