worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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