Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
