the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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