MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
