why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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