Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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