she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
