my vag is so smooth its legendary
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
