it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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