Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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