There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
