So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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