covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
