would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
