Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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