i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
