Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
