yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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