In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
