Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
