I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
