i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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