"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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