I want to stick my p in your. b.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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