My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
