i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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