my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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