So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
