My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
