Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
