and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Girls should come with a carfax report
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
