Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
