Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
even my farts smell like vagina
i drank out of a bidet.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
