I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Success! We fucked roommates!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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