Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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