my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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