There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
