My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Found your dick twin last night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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