watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
