Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
