Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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