Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
