dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she woke up with a sticky ear
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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